Would You?

Johnboy: Why is no one fuckin her?

Seth: It’s Tuesday. At 11am. No one wants to check out a book now.

Johnboy: Thin whah the fuckk re we opin?

Seth: Ask the assholes at corporate. I’m just here to clock in and out.

Johnboy: Oly 6 moe  hours laft.

Seth: Yup.

Johnboy: Good shi’ men.

Johnboy: Yup.

Johnboy: You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,. Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

Johnboy: Can I arsk yu a series quession?

Seth: Knock yourself out…please.

Johnboy: Nowe don’ think Im sum sorta fagget wen I say thes. Jus a gud wey to git to knew my cowurker…

Seth: Isn’t faggot a little offensive?

Jonboy: fin… cock muncher? Betta?

Seth: Perfect. What’s your question?

Johnboy: Aight. Wuld you sucka dick fur 10 mil?

Seth: Excuse you?

Johnboy: Wuld. Yu. Sucka. Dick. Fur. 10. Millun. Smackeroos. Dinnero. Dolla bills. Fat stacks n’ shi like dat.

Seth: What would you do?

Johnboy: Fuckit, I do er.

Seth: For 10 million dollars?? Are you crazy? Why?

Johnboy: Whyy nah?

Seth: Would people find out about it?

Johnboy: Nupe, jus you two wuld knew.

Seth: How is that possible? Would he just walk up to you in the street? Would you know him?

Johnboy: Hshh. Piture…a man with a big hat and breecase walk up in her and say “Sir, I has 10 mill dinneros, will you suckma…you know?” N you wuld go tu the back and comments.

Seth: Is he attractive though?

Johnboy: He issa purty boy, like the ones they got in Thailand or Haiti, some Chinese country.

Seth: Like George Clooney circa ER attractive?

Johnboy: I don know whu the fuuck thatis but imhaine Arnold Swarsennager bald lik Vin Diesel and the style of Larry the Cable Guy.

Seth: Ah…very sexy.

Seth: Would this guy has a disease? Like HIV or Aids or Herpes?

Jonboy: That’s em fag diseases so know!

Seth: But me sucking his dick would be… you know..whatever.

Johnboy: So yu wuld?

Seth: Absolutely not!

Johnboy: You relly wuldnt sucka dick fur 10 mill??

Seth: Why the FUCK don’t you say that louder since we are in a library? I don’t think the moms in the children’s section heard you, asshole?!

Johnboy: Culm duwn men, we frands, jus talkin guy shi’.

Johnboy: 10 mil culd buy you ‘lot. Imahine wut yu wuld bui?

Seth: I would pay off my college, go to get my master’s in history, pay for my sister’s college education, and settle down somewhere in Portland to begin writing a textbook…

Johnboy: Seeh! Evun tho issa kinda gay, yu culd do ‘lot wit 10. mill. dinnero.

Seth: You do have a point…

Johnboy: Wut wuld stop yah? Yah ole lady wuld call yah a Peter puffer?

Seth: I’m single.

Johnboy: Lucky yu. My ole lady wuld hav me sucka 10 pricks, one fur eery mill. She culd finnly git tha tit job.

Seth: *cough*sure she needs it…

Seth: I don’t know…sounds a lot like prostitution…

Johnboy: Issa oly prosecutin if ya git cauht…n’ ya wuldnt….rememba? Al the prosecutes I knew neva gaught cauht!

Seth: I’m sure you have a lot of family who will vouch for that…
Johnboy: Issa oly faggey if tha guy nuts and ya swallah.

Seth: Oh, does the guy…you know…have to finish?

Johnboy: Ahhhhh, thassa deciding factar…yesh, but ya cin doge it or spat it lik a dip.

Seth: Knees or lying down?

Johnboy: Kness, lik ya prayin’

Seth: And no one would ever, ever know?

Johnboy: Nah, jus ya’ll…

Seth: Fine. Fuck it. I would do it.

Johnboy: Nowh ya thinkin smhart boy!

Seth: Glad we could finally agree on something I guess. I feel so much closer to you know.

Johnboy: Imma surah ya do. One mure quession?

Seth: Go ahead. Literally knock yourself out.

Johnboy: Wuld ya suckma dick fur 10 mill?

Seth: What? That’s ridiculous. How would you have 10 million dollars?

Johnboy: Don’ juge a buk by is cova…

Seth: Okay, where would a piece of uncivilized piece of white trash get 10 million dollars?

Johnboy: My granfatha strack oile 10 yers ago, lef me 20 mill for my famly, nd I got 10 mil left my wif said I culd spent on wuteva, so I mad a lil experment…to sea if sumone wuld suckma dick fur 10 mill n’ yu the oly one whu sid yesh.

Seth: You are crazy. Why would I suck your dick? Are you the faggot?

Johnboy: ahahahhaha! Yu tha one whu sid it. Issa yes o no. Fur 10 mill. Noone would knuwe. Re yu gonna git on ur kness and put my money wure yur mouth is?

PHOTOGRAPHED BY RACHEL KISER

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